I Hate Peppa Pig

Introduction why I hate Peppa Pig

I need to vent and this blog is here for venting. It’s cheaper than therapy… I think? I don’t actually know if we pay for this blog or who pays for that, now that I think about it. Huh. Don’t tell me, Ben. I don’t want to know. Anyway, Peppa Pig sucks and I hate that my daughter seems to prefer it over everything else right now.

The Art Style

When it comes to visual art I’m pretty terrible. I can’t draw to save my life. Literally if you wanted me to draw something 3-dimensional, I couldn’t. So trust me when I say I could draw Peppa Pig. I don’t know if this is the case of “made by kids for kids” but that’s my headcanon. No, I’m not doing any research. The art style is atrocious. It’s worse than Sonic. It’s almost, almost, as bad as Sonic Fanart. It’s that bad. Also Peppa and her family have scrotum faces. You can’t unsee it.

Compare it to Bluey. Bluey looks like it was made by people who cared about their craft. It looked like the people put some thought and care into their art. That’s kind of why I’m extra annoyed. Sure, my daughter won’t STOP WATCHING PEPPA. And Ben keeps bringing it up when we talk about Beware of Chicken, and also I can’t even read BoC because Peppa is featured in it and I’ve been emotionally scarred. But also because Bluey is right there. I get these are cartoons for babies, but I’m forced to exist in the vicinity. I’d rather not look at these ugly stupid animals when we can instead look at much nicer looking dogs. Bluey also tries to ellicit an emotional response, maybe too hard. But that’s preferred to Peppa that elicits nothing because it’s garbage beyond just the garbage-looking art.

Daddy Pig

Daddy Pig is fat. That’s often the joke. Peppa constantly talks about how big his big fat ass tummy is. Mommy pig will join in and mock him as well. Okay, fine, you do you. I won’t go for the low hanging fruit and mock the man’s weight. I’m not exactly captain fitness myself. But you know what I can do? I can grow a real fucking beard. Daddy Pig someone should have told you this, but you need to shave. You look like shit. It’s embarassing. Your gross-looking wispy-hair-having ass, combined with your apple cheeks it looks like you’re going through puberty. I get it’s a joke when he says “I’m an expert at <insert a subject>” and then it turns out he’s a dumbshit. I’m just tired of hearing it 500 times a day. You could argue that’s not the show, but you don’t have a no-name blog that I don’t advertise, so your argument is invalid.

Mommy Pig

Mommy Pig usually comes off okay. She’s not a moron. But she does have sex with Daddy Pig. She’s currently pregnant with their third fail child. I don’t want to think about that and now you’re forcing me to. I hate it. I hate it so much. Why am I still watching this?

George Pig

I hate his cry. It’s awful. His voice annoys me. He’s supposed to be 2 years old but knows about 2 words. “Dinosaur” and “oh”. He then has the most obnovious cry I’ve ever had the displeasure of hearing. I’d rather they just have recorded a real baby crying into the mic. That would have been significantly less terrible than whatever the hell that is.

Danny Dog’s Dad

Danny Dog has a dad that sailed around the world and all he wants to do is abandon his wife and kid to go back to his true love: the sea. It’s a tale as old as time itself. I’m getting a little teary-eyed writing this because as much as Danny Dog’s Dad wants be with his true love, he never can.

Conclusion

Look this isn’t going to be some in-depth deconstruction of Peppa Pig. That would require more effort than actually went into the show. My ancestors didn’t fight and die so I had to care about what the Brits thought about anything. I hate their songs too. I didn’t know where to mention that. I don’t know why you’re still reading this.