The Real Eudaimonia is the Friends We Failed To Make Along the Way – Hollywood Hulk Hogan

This week on the podcast Nathaniel committed a betrayal second only to that of Judas Iscariot by tricking me into another 2-hour discussion of Hulk Hogan’s life. As part of my committment to writing a pseudo-intellectual literary essay on each of our episodes, I am now forced to come up with something more to say about the Philosophy of Hulk Hogan. I’m digging deep here, guys. Let’s talk about Aristotelian Virtue Ethics!

Ethics is a fascinating and complex branch of philosophy. It investigates morality. Which behaviors are morally good? Which behaviors are morally bad? How can we be sure? Aristotle was among the earliest of the Ancient Greek philosophers to take a stab at these questions, and the first to really systematize things. He believed that with the proper understanding and practice, one could live in such a way that they would achieve a state of Eudaimonia. Eudaimonia translates roughly to “happiness” or “flourishing”, but the way it’s discussed in Greek philosophy it takes on a meaning similar to spiritual enlightenment. Achieving Eudaimonia was the motivation to follow Aristotle’s prescribed ethical framework, as well as the proof that it was correct. Aristotle’s work would influence much of Western ethical philosophy.

Aristotle was also kind enough to leave us a table describing the virtues along with examples of where an excess or lack of a particular virtue could cross the line into vice.

Aristotle followed something called “The Golden Mean.” Essentially, all things should be taken in moderation, even virtue. As seen in the above table, courage is a virtue, but an excess of courage leads one to rash behavior; whereas a deficiency of courage leads one to cowardice. It’s not enough to simply possess virtues, we must also cultivate wisdom to judge how much virtue to apply to any given situation. The fancy philosophy term for this kind of wisdom is “phronesis.” According to Aristotle, phronesis is a skill that we can develop through practice, study, and reflection.

I have no doubt that Hulk Hogan had the development of his Hulkamaniacs’ phronesis in mind as supervised Micheal Jan Friedman writing this book. By studying the example of those who have walked the path of Eudaimonia, we can gain insight into the application of proper phronesis in our own lives. What greater example of Aristotelian Virtue could there be than a man who once described himself as having “swelled up like a Greek God?” Let’s take advantage of this opportunity to develop our phroneses and examine how Hulk applied The Virtues in his own life.

Courage

There are countless examples of The Hulkster’s courage. When facing The Undertaker’s signature move, Hulk was terrified of injury, but he got in there and took The Tombstone anyway. Granted, the champ did claim that he was injured by The Undertaker during that move, despite the existence of video evidence proving that he was not. Granted, that video evidence did not dissuade Hulk from repeatedly claiming that The Undertaker had injured him. Granted, years later he admitted it actually wasn’t a big deal. The point is…he got in that ring, brother.

A casual observer may also notice that Hulk displayed only the courage which was required and no more. Had he excess courage, he may have confronted The Undertaker for the mistake it was later proven that The Undertaker had not made. He could have rashly provoked an actual fight with The Big Evil and gotten himself a real injury instead of just a make-believe one. That’s what I call phronesis.

Temperance

When I think of Temperance, I think of Hollywood Hulk Hogan. The Hulk has always advised moderation when it comes to intoxicants and “vitamins.” When Hulk bought an 8 ball of cocaine (3.5 grams) he would only do one line and throw the rest away. I did some research into this and a typical line of cocaine is 0.1 grams on the generous side. So the Hulkster threw out a lot of cocaine over the years. It’s unfortunate that you can only buy it by the 8 ball…and also from a cartel. Hulk limited himself to this dosage despite it “not having any effect on him”, and despite cocaine being notoriously expensive. Such was his commitment to temperance.

A man with less virtue than Mr. America might have over indulged and done as many as three lines of cocaine. While a prudish man might never have indulged in Columbian Nose Gold and have been deprived of…some…valuable experience, I guess? Anyway, moving on…

Liberality/Magnificence

We’re combining these two because I don’t really see much of a difference in the case of the 12-time champion of the world. As Hogan often said, with him at the top of the card, everyone benefitted. Maybe they didn’t benefit as much as they would have if that unionization effort had gone through, but that risked treading into prodigality. Hulk’s application of phronesis lead him to the perfect balance of money for Hulk and money for everyone else.

Alas, his good wife Linda did not share Hulk’s wisdom in matters of finance and single-handedly placed the family into dire financial straights. It was all our paragon of virtuosity could do to shield a few million in assets from her lawyers…for a little while.

Magnanimity/Ambition

Another combination. It does seem like the table is a little wordier than it needs to be. Punch it up, Aristotle. So, yeah, ambition. Hulk never lacked for ambition. He kept his pride firmly proportional to his fictional achievements. Even Heracles never defeated a giant. While the son of Zeus was beating up innocent animals, Hulk was wrestling Ultimate Warriors, Giants, and Dark Magicians. It’s not vanity to acknowledge that lesser men could not do these things. Yes, the fights were scripted and staged. Yes, Andre the Giant allowed and assistant Hulk to body slam him. But those things still kind of happened. They’re on TV. Go watch them. Watching them on TV makes them real. Phronesis. Keep up.

Truthfulness

Pass.

Wittiness

“Well, with all the controversy, Mean Jean from Wrestlemania III, I’ve tried to keep an open mind, man. But I’ve viewed the film 1001 times. Andre the Giant, you only had me down for a 2-count. I slammed you and beat you: One, Two, Three. Right in the middle. The prayers, the “vitamins”, and the training is small change to you, multi-million dollar man. But I’ve invested my three assets wisely (Ben: Phronesis). In a lifelong profit sharing plan with all my little Hulksters (Ben: Wait, what?), brother. First, you watch the referee. That’s cool. All my Hulkamaniacs are going to be watching you, multi-million dollar Man. Then, Andre the Giant, one on one, with the whole world watching. I’m going to prove to you I can beat you. And Hulkamania will live forever.”

Maybe if Socrates had been so eloquent he’d still be alive today…

Friendliness

Would an unfriendly man reassure his ex-wife’s lover that he wasn’t going to kill him? I rest my case.

Modesty

Uh…pass…

Righteous Indignation

In our modern age perhaps nothing is a greater indication of moral virtue than proper indignation. In this, Hulk certainly had his priorities straight: prayers, vitamins, training. These are the three treasures of The Hulkamaniac Dharma. The Hulkster can forgive a lot, especially of himself, but he cannot forgive disrespecting the three treasures. It’s not hard to see why.

The prayers represent piety. First we must honor the Gods from whom all good blessings come. Acknowledgement of higher authority keeps Hulk and his maniacs humble.

The vitamins represent a commitment to physical health…and nothing else.

The training represents The Practice required to realize The Golden Mean. Hulk isn’t just referring to physical training here, though that is certainly part of it. He’s referring to the development of phronesis on the path to eudaimonia. This is perhaps the most important thing of all. Though, it is a thing that the multi-million dollar men will always struggle to understand. In some ways, it’s fortunate that Linda took all his money, as Hulk was at risk of becoming one of those himself.

Conclusion

The path to Eudaimonia is not easy. Knowing the path is only half the battle. Walking it is a daily challenge that we all must undertake. Study, Practice, Prayers, Vitamins, and Weight Training are all key elements of the virtuous life. Go forth, Gentle Reader, and embrace greatness just like Hollywood Hulk Hogan kind of did.